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Okay…the title is so not what I’m spouting in my post today. It was just the last thing I was reading in my FM1003 Metabolism and gastro-intestinal notes so its kind of still lingering in my mind atm….

So yea, exam prep has been going super hardcore. I’ve more or less fallen into a routine now…up by 11, have brunch and coffee (I’m addicted to it, need it to kickstart those brain cells), start studying by 1, break for dinner at bout 6:30 to 7, start again at 9 and finish up at bout 2:30am. It is super unhealthy I know but yea, you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m probably not the best person to be around right now as I’m just edgy and moody as all hell. And yes, I know I look like crap (don’t need that pointed out to me at all!), my hair all flat and lifeluster, horrible bags under the eyes, and definitely sloppy clothes..basically, I don’t really care what I look like right now.

Its only 2 more weeks before all of this is over…that’s what is keeping me goin. Oh, and yes, the fact that I don’t want to fail :p. LOL..all the med peeps have been going slightly nutty. My fav quotes have been " WE ARE GOING TO GET SO DRUNK AFTER THIS WEEK FROM HELL…LIKE BLACK-OUT DRUNK", " I NEED TO DANCE NOW!" and the best was "YOU’RE NOT WEARING ANY PANTS! I’VE HAD 7 SHOTS OF ESPRESSO! (You go Billy! hehe ).

That huge fishbowl in SOHO is definitely calling to me right now. 25 euros fishbowl of blue curacao, vodka, malibu and lemonade over ice with pineapple and sparklers! I think I deserve it after these past few weeks don’t you?

Someone dear to me the other day posed two very interesting questions: Why is it so difficult to let go of the past? Why is it so hard just to forget? Hmm…that definitely got me thinking: why do we ultimately agonise over and over what has already happenned?

Well, after much reflection (figured this was a better way of procrastination then looking through the Victoria Secret online catalogue over and over again, oohing and aahing over clothes I just can’t afford right now! :p), I reckon its because the past is very much a part of who you are now. It defines you in a way, shaped and moulded you into the person you are right now and possibly for the future. I’m not going to lie, there have been a gazillion times where I’ve looked back and thought.."if only I had done that then instead of this "or "why did I do that? That was just ever so slightly dumb". But yea, at the end of the day, one: there’s no point worrying bout it, its been done, and two: yea, huge learning curve right there..must REMEMBER never to repeat that same mistake.

And yet, there are times, where I find myself doing the same thing over and over again, sometimes without even realising it and others, being fully aware of it but still choosing to do it anyway. That pattern baffles me..if you already know the outcome of the situation, why do you set yourself up to be disappointed again? I guess it all boils down to faith and hope, hope that things this time round will be different. Yea, underneath the pessimism or as I like to call it: the realism, lies the eternal optimist. Regardless of how dire the situation is, a happy outcome is bound to eventually appear…right??

Anyhow, try as you may to dissociate the past from the present and the future, its utterly impossible to do. Might as well accept the fact that regrets and hope define who you are as a person, flawed yet somehow perfect human being.